Ask: What do you need from me that I’m not doing?

This is Daily Dadspeak—daily reflections on becoming a dad, while still growing up myself. You can find the full mini-pod audio list here.

I walked over to our clothes drying rack to grab a shirt that I saw hanging there yesterday. But it wasn’t there. I found it hanging in my closet.

I didn’t put it in the closet. I didn’t hang out to dry on the rack. I didn’t even throw it in the machine to wash. I just put it in the laundry basket.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t expect my wife to do any of these things. But there are lots of things to do that we split. And laundry is one she tends to do.

Along with so many other things. Like planning and preparing meals that are healthy, tasty, and that our kids will actually eat (at least with minimal complaining). She also keeps schedules and routines for her three boys, me included.

I really appreciate her, and I try to tell her this often. I want her to know that I do notice what she does, even though I probably still don’t see so many things.

But I don’t just want to acknowledge her, I want to be better for her. So every once in a while I ask:

“What do you need from me that I’m not doing?”

Or something like that. And she usually has things to suggest.

Last night it was about not sending the kids to “help her” get dinner ready, which often gives her more work than help. Instead, it would be better if I came and guided them, so she didn’t have to instruct while cooking. I get that.

She had a couple of other suggestions too, and that’s the point: there are always things we can be doing better for our partner. We often try so hard to please friends or people at work, but we neglect the people working hardest for us.

When was the last time you asked your partner what you can do better for them?

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